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Bully

I am a bully.

I have to take some time to let that sink in. I am a bully.

You may have met me, you may not have. Those who have, know that I am easily moved to tears when I see or hear of anyone being left out, alone or made to feel less than. At the start of grade 7 there were 2 new girls. One had some flashy new clothes and the other?...not-so-much. The not-so-much girl was standing alone with her head down while all my classmates were all buzzing around the flashy girl. I approached the not-so-much girl and we became great friends. There is just something in my heart that breaks for anyone feeling like they don't matter.

But once again I have to say...I am a bully. Now, I'm only 5'2" and am really not able to strong arm anyone so I've relied on words. Verbal bullying (also known as Verbal Abuse) is described as:

..any slanderous statements or accusations that cause the victim undue emotional distress. Examples include:[8]

directing foul language (profanity) at the target
commenting negatively on some one's looks, clothes, body etc. - personal abuse
tormenting
harassment
rumors
being laughed at


I have said some of the most hurtful and hateful things. I have caused feelings of abandonment, failure, inadequacy and depression. I have used phrases such as...

• 'you are so stupid'

• 'if they really cared about you.....'
  

• 'they would like you more if you were...'-take your pick of-prettier/thinner/taller/shorter/blonder/darker/faster/slower...)
  

• 'I can't believe you said that/did that/wore that'

• 'you can't do anything right'

I'm embarrassed to say it gets uglier. If I heard anyone speaking to another human being with the tone, feelings and words I've used, I would immediately step in.

But how do I step in between me and myself?

I am a bully. And I am my own victim.

I wore pink on February 29th, just like most of us did. I just didn't know I was standing up against myself for myself. I'm not alone, I know there are others like me out there. Most of us wouldn't dream of treating others they way we treat ourselves. The Golden Rule tells us to "do unto others as you would do to yourself". In my case I sure hope not.

I think for me it's time to treat myself the way I treat others.

Crazy Train

The Scene: Downtown Kelowna, Sunday Morning

Cast of Characters: Me, Joanne, Mark and Conrad

Our very dear friends were in town this weekend for a long overdue visit and Sunday morning Joanne and I wanted to pop into Oranj Dance Studio to check out their schedule. We explained to the guys we were literally going to be a minute and a half and left them waiting patiently in the truck. We returned 90 seconds later to find them gone. We stood there wondering how they could have thought that leaving us on the sidewalk was funny. People do this kind of stuff in high school but at 38, I have ABSOLUTELY no patience for it. In that moment, there was no rational thought, no believing the best about either of them. I went from zero to crazy in about 17 seconds. I hopped on that train like it was taking me to Hogwarts.

Joanne (trying so hard to see the silver lining) said, "maybe they went to get us coffee?". I responded with an answer that I cannot share here.

When they did come back a number of glances, glares and stares took place. Here's how it went....

Mark: 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't have your phone'
Me: 'uh-huh'
Mark: 'I texted you to let you know where we were'
Me: 'uh-huh'
Mark: 'we just went to the library to pick up those DVD's - Now it's one less stop.'
Me: 'uh-huh
Mark: 'sorry....'

When were able to be alone (and by that I mean without witnesses), I stood so very tall on my soapbox and spouted off about how disrespectful it was to just leave me on the side of the road, now knowing where he went, when he was coming back, how would he like it if?......



He apologized, I (eventually) apologized for getting so upset and the day went on like nothing ever happened.

However, after a few hours of reflection, I was hit between the eyes with the cold, hard truth.... Mark and Conrad did nothing wrong.

I was the only one who should have apologized. To believe that Mark would have just left us there as a joke?.... I was the one who was disrespectful. I went to my husband and said I was sorry and this time, it was for the right reason.
I couldn't see the good because I was focused on the crisis. A crisis I had entirely made up in my head.
_________________________________________________________________

The Scene: Downtown Kelowna, Sunday Morning

Cast of Characters: Me, Joanne, Mark and Conrad

Take II

Mark: 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't have your phone. I texted you to let you know where we went.'

Cara: 'That's o.k. babe. There was a train that went by here a minute ago, but I knew you'd come back so I let it pass.'

Get out of my dreams, Get into my car...

We were talking the other day at work about why we do what we do. Most of you know that I work for Summit Chiropractic here in Kelowna. If you know me at all, you know I love my job. Like really... Love. It.
I started out like most people. I wanted a car (actually before the car – what I really needed was that totally awesome purple sweater from Mariposa that my parents wouldn't by for me) so that meant I had to first find a job. Where does a young, vibrant, ready to take-on-the world, 16 year old go? Yep...McDonald's. The land of dreams.

Side note-Most people don't eat at McDonald's because they know it's not good for them. I don't eat at McDonald's because if I see another McNugget again in my lifetime it will cause a reaction far too violent to be shared here in this PG rated blog post.

Thus began my journey into the Canadian workforce. After that, it was a produce store, shoe store, another produce store, walk-in clinic, same produce store and another walk-in clinic (BTW-anyone need help choosing a ripe avocado or cantaloupe-call me).

“Cara”, you may ask, “why so may jobs?”. Well, most of my time between 1997-2007 was spent working 2-3 jobs at a time because I was trying to get what I needed. And what I needed was to pay my rent. To buy food. I wasn't working at these places because I loved sharing with people the difference between cilantro and parsley...I was working only to pay the bills and working to pay the bills is not a bad thing. It's a very necessary thing. I once worked 4 jobs at the same time just so I could continue to have cable because living without 'Melrose Place' was NOT an option.

I know that not all of us can have our dream job or even have the opportunity to. My dream job would be as a backup singer/dancer for Janet Jackson- but since Miss Jackson hasn't called yet, I can't see that happening anytime soon. So, I found something that I really love AND pays the bills. Does that mean that I never dance again? No. But what I CAN do is take dance lessons...And continue to embarrass myself as I dance around my living room with the blinds open for all the neighbors to see. (true story)

Always wanted to be a writer, but work as an accountant? Start a blog- share your talent. Always dreamed of being an actor, but currently deliver flowers? Call the Kelowna Actor's Studio and be outrageous! There is always a way to do what you love.

So to entirely mis-qoute the talented Billy Ocean, it's time to “get out of my car and INTO my Dreams”


PARSLEY.....




CILANTRO.....










Injoy,
Cara

through the desert on a horse with no name...

Well...Hello again. Clearly, it's been a while since I've posted. I wish I could tell you a lofty tale of how I was traveling across the Moroccan desert and came across a small group of people who needed my help and because they were so grateful, they made me the leader of their village and asked me to stay. I did, of course, and spent the last 3 months selling exotic rugs and fruits at the market in Marrakesh.

But....and brace yourself...that's not true. I've been here, I've just been blogularily challenged.

So now it's January and I'd like to set a goal of at LEAST one post a month. I say goal and NOT resolution for a reason. Resolutions don't last (trust me - I'm a complete professional on this).

Resolutions can be infinite...There's no end to them. For example:

-I'm going to run 5 day a week ( for the rest of my life)
-I'm going to lose weight (not sure how much, just some)
-I'm going to blog every day or until my fingers cramp (I'm sure I am)
-I will never eat potato chips or chocolate again (ya....whatever!)

We talk about this at the office, 'what is not celebrated is soon forgotten' but how can you celebrate something that never ends?!!

Goals are definite...there is a date of completion. For example:

-I'm going to run 3 days a week for a month
-I'm going to lose 15lbs
-I'm going to blog at least once a month
-I will have potato chips and chocolate once a week (ok...chocolate maybe twice)

Start the party!!!! With every accomplished and celebrated goal, I can almost guarantee you will gain momentum rather than others with resolutions who lose motivation.

So here's to a year of partying -for all the right reasons!!

My Summer Vacation....

Over the Summer break we had here at the office, Mark and I went to Vegas. I had never been and am so glad I went because we had such a great time. Knowing our destination, we knew that we would see some not cool things and some really awesome things. (I thought I was going home alone when Mark saw the M&M store)



My favorite hotel was Caesar's Palace. The size of it was insane. I have never seen anything like that in my life!! We saw the Volcano at the Mirage erupt twice. We saw the Treasure Island Pirate show (only once as it seemed that the main content was a lot of lip syncing, sassy standing and some serious hair flipping - from both the women AND the men). The fountains at the Bellagio hotel were amazing and we felt VERY Ocean's Eleven-ish standing there watching them and planning our massive M&M heist. The wax museum was an adventure in which we met several new friends......




But, hands down my favorite experience was the Vegas Motor Speedway.

Now...let me explain. I LOVE to drive. I LOVE to drive fast. I LOVE to drive fast in a fast car that was meant to go fast. Knowing this...for my birthday Mark gave me the opportunity to choose a car and head out for 5 blistering laps around the Nascar track in Las Vegas!! I had the choice of a Lamborghini, Ferrari, Porsche or the Astin Martin Vantage(shown here).

I chose the Astin Martin because c'mon....when am I ever again going to get the chance to drive the same car as James Bond?

I had the most amazing instructor- Roddy - who encouraged me to "floor it". The track was pretty curvy and as I entered in to the corners at about 90/mph, I felt like a rock star. It was SO awesome!!!! But, before I knew it, it was over. Let me tell you, 5 laps at 100/mph?....they go by pretty quick. Still...it was the coolest thing I've ever done. So, ya... Vegas was pretty amazing.

Back home, as I went over some entries in my journal and I noticed a "Dream List" I had written over 3 years ago. Right near the top, in bright pink pen is drive a race car.

(please know that writing it in pink doesn't make it any less cool).


So, the feeling of driving a race car is amazing, but the coolest part is putting a big, fat check beside that particular entry in my journal.

I must also say a HUGE thank you to my handsome husband, who after 7 years this September continues to make my dreams come true.

My hero....

This is my handsome husband coming out of the water doing his first triathlon. I could not have been more proud. Wanting to know a little more about triathlons, I googled it. (side note...who knew that googled would eventually become a verb) The website beginnertriathlete.com came up and I perused the site. It led me to a Q&A on triathlons and this is the story written by a gentleman with the profile name, "McFuzz". I've included it here because, this is EXACTLY what happened in our house. Like...EXACTLY. Enjoy!


What is a Sprint Triathlon?

"This is a question that shows up frequently here at beginnertriathlete.com. Usually, the question comes from someone who wants to know how long each leg of the event is, and the answer to that is, “It depends on the race.” I’m here to tell you differently.

A sprint triathlon is a siren! Step back into Greek mythology and the story of Jason and the Argonauts. The sirens were creatures whose irresistible song lured unsuspecting sailors into treacherous waters.

It will start innocently enough, maybe as a challenge from a friend or a flyer about a local event. You begin to think, “Yeah, I can swim 600 yards (or at least I could when I was a kid), I can bike 12—15 miles, and I can run a 5K (or at least run/walk...).” Add it all up, and figure on an hour or two...no big deal! So you go splash around in the pool a few times, drag your ancient Schwinn out of the basement, and start jogging (but only at night, when nobody can see you run...)

You then register, and on that fateful day, you bring all of your gear to the race site where you find...

* Some competitors have already swum a 600 yard “warm-up.”
* Others are more scared of the swim than you are.
* Some will have “You paid HOW MUCH for that?!?” bikes.
* Others will ride bikes older and rustier than yours.
* Some will look like they haven’t eaten in weeks.
* Others will look like they could go weeks without eating.

So you fumble around setting up your gear while trying hard to not show how nervous you are. You get final race instructions and head down to the start. Maybe now you realize that everyone is anxious rather than nervous. The gun goes off and the details of the race get blurry (don’t worry, your goggles won’t get knocked off EVERY race), but you realize that the race volunteers are cheering for you, and that makes you feel good! The other competitors are cheering for you, too! What? Yeah, these triathletes give you a reassuring smile, or maybe a few encouraging words, even though they’ve never met you before. That makes you feel GREAT!

You’ll realize that some of the people that you thought would surely be fast—aren’t. Some of the people will be surprisingly fast. Pretty much everyone will have a smile on their face at the end! Even more amazing is that many finishers are crowded around the finish line, cheering for you as you reach the end of your first race! You are now a TRIATHLETE

You start talking to the other competitors and spectators and they are as friendly as they were during the race. They will try to answer your questions, and probably show you their really cool gear if you ask. You start looking at training plans, heart-rate-monitors, a spiffy tri-suit, and a “faster” (more expensive) bike so you can do another race. Maybe an Olympic distance race? You start looking for excuses to travel to triathlons. All of a sudden, you’re scheming about HIM’s and dreaming about Hawaii and logging your training including important notes about how you react to various sports drinks or gels.

So what are you waiting for? You know it’s going to happen, and you won’t be able to stop it…You might as well get started!

Postscript: This is my story. My first triathlon was 7/29/2005 (I’d registered about two weeks earlier) and had 66 participants. I’d seen Ironman highlights on television and knew those people were dedicated, but I didn’t expect any of them to show up at this little race...but they were there with their best race gear!

I remember the encouragement of other riders as I was lugging up the hills on my mountain bike and the cheers from volunteers at every turn on the bike and run. I remember everyone cheering and clapping at my middle-to-back-of-pack finish and how everyone stayed to cheer the last finisher!

I conned - convinced a buddy to join me for another sprint six weeks later. My wife and I spent that fall discussing which Half-Ironman (HIM) to do and how to build some family vacations around a race schedule. I completed my HIM on 8/5/2006. Kona? Who knows what my future holds..."